I hope everyone had an undefeated day today. Lately, I have been feeling a little disappointed. It is very hard for me to ask for help because I am very independent and don't like to rely on anyone but myself. I was forced to grow up faster than I had to. I have been on my own since age 16. I don't ask for much and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have to especially if we are friends or you are my family but the minute I do, I am sadly disappointed. Have you ever felt like you are the person who is always there for everyone else? The shoulder to cry on? You're the sister, the friend, the auntie, the stylist or the cousin but when you need something who's there for you? You get hit with let me call you right back, I don't have it, I'm busy, I forgot, I'm tired no reply at all or let me see. Hmmmm.... Well this happens to me quite often and it really grinds my gears and makes me so over people but you know what? but if you ask me for anything I don't hesitate and If I can't help I will find someone who can. I can't blame anyone but my self though. You know why? because I need to learn to expect less from people. Everyone doesn't have the same heart as me and everyone won't support you like you support them. When you don't have expectations of people you won't be disappointed.
As I am growing and learning through by Buddhist practice, I cannot allow the actions of others change who I am. Sensei Daisaku Ikeda says, "Friendship depends on you and not the other person. What Matters is what you put into a friendship, not what you get out of it." By no means does this mean be a door mat either, allow people to take your kindness for weakness or take you for granted. I am learning to do things now within reason and do for those that are deserving of it without over extending myself.
At the end of the day we are in control of how we want to feel. Although my current mood has been filled with disappointments... It's okay to have these feelings. I am human and I hurt but people tend to forget that because I am so strong.
Note to self: Feel what you gonna feel and let it go. Don't allow it to consume you.
Remember no matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show out and NEVER GIVE UP! I'm fittna show out are you?
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Photos by: Cooky Jones
Sweatshirt: Ross Stores
Red Fox Jeans: Forman Mills